


it's been a while (since i last saw you)

by Background_Character



Series: "I call arson a career!" [2]
Category: Naruto, 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia
Genre: Alternate Universe, BAMF Midoriya Inko, Character Death Fix, Child!Izuku talks to a stranger and invites him home, Crack, Crossover, Family Drama is underestimated, Gen, Not A Villain!Hisashi, Obito is bad with names, This Is STUPID, hahahahaha wtf is this—idk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-20
Updated: 2018-03-20
Packaged: 2019-04-04 14:50:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14022603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Background_Character/pseuds/Background_Character
Summary: The dial stops echoing. A clicks informs him a connection has been made."Hello?" he says into the curious contraption, hoping to dear god he isn't making a fool of himself in front of the woman he's sure will kill him without hesitation.There's a gasp from the other side. "... O-Obito? Is that you?" a voice whispers, the tone of the person almost nostalgic and on the verge of hysterical."... Yes, it is, Uncle."[In which Inko's Quirk is actually telekinesis, Hisashi is casually an assassin for hire by day and a dopey salaryman by night, Izuku is innocent and Obito kinda wishes he did die.]





	it's been a while (since i last saw you)

Obito knows he should be dead.

He should be scattered to the four winds, mere particles of dirt and dust that blind unsuspecting eyes. (In fact, speaking of eyes, it seems he's lost the one he borrowed from that weathered corpse.)

He shouldn't be wherever 'here' seems to be.

The sun is too bright, the sky isn't a sickening shade of puke and there's grass beneath his feet. He almost trips on nothing. Grass. Real, actual, totally-not-a-prank-or-genjutsu grass. He hasn't seen it in months and he wonders if this is the final respite he gets from the afterlife before his soul finally passes on. Which should be happening right now.

He blinks.

_Any moment now._

He blinks.

_... God, if you're listening, now would a good time to salvage my sanity._

He pinches himself; a prickle of pain erupts from the tender flesh.

Obito blinks and looks around. "Why do all the bad things happen to me?" he asks nobody, staring down the gaggle of children gathered nearby who seem to be in awe of his sudden appearance from an entirely different dimension controlled by a crazy woman hellbent on resetting the world.

 

•

 

Izuku knows he is useless.

_He should be, by all means, intent on studying to get into a good school which can lead him to attending a prestigious university that appreciates brains over Quirks so he can move up in the world._

_He is five._

_There's no reason for him to worrying about a future that will happen in a decade. And that's the reason why he should be stuffing his noses into lengthy textbooks._

_Izuku knows he is Quirkless._

_He shouldn't be straying away from his goals and looking toward heroes for existential crisis advice because they simply don't have the time to answer his jarring question of, "Can I be a hero without a Quirk?"_

_Except in the face of danger (and certainly uncertainty), what does Izuku have to lose?_

He takes a step forward to approach the strange man who looks so lost with that bewildered expression upon his scarred face.

 

•

 

He flinches.

He fucking flinches all because one brat decided to stop gawking unabashedly and asked if he was fine.

And to be truthful, no, he's not. Hasn't been in a long time. Not since he was in a right state of mind and had Rin pluck out his left eye amongst the rubble of what was supposed to his grave until Madara thought it was a good idea to do a repeat of Hashirama-digging. And look where it got that supposedly scheming bastard. Impaled by his own hand that was possessed. So, yeah, no. Obito is not fine. He's far from that. "Child, do I look fine?" he asks.

"N-No." The boy cringes at his tight expression. "But Mama always said I should try to smile when I feel down!" he cheers with a raised fist.

Obito stares.

The boy's fist drops and he goes back to being all fidgety.

Obito stares.

And he states and stares and stares until his eye(s?) begin to water. Whether or not this boy is this diemension's dreamlike incarnation of Uzumaki Naruto, hell will freeze over eventually because of the child's grin.

And against his better judgement (because the sky _is_ blue, it always should be, and the moon isn't red), he says, "Lead the way."

Now, it's the boy's time to stare.

 

•

 

Inko heard the telltale patter of her son's footsteps first after the front door clicked open then slammed shut. The thunderous pair following after had her gripping her knife tighter. Sweat begins to gather in places it shouldn't and the moment her sweet, sweet child enters the combined kitchen-lounge, she goes on the defense. Raising her hand, Inko uses her Quirk to drag Izuku behind her and arms herself with all the cutlery scattered about the benches. They waver in the air around her protectively, essentially forming a barrier between her and the stranger who Izuku has invited into their home unannounced.

"Who are you?" she hisses, her voice coming out harsher than usual just because skewering a man to death isn't totally normal on a good day.

The man blinks, presumably amused by her show of hostility. "I'm Obito. Uchiha Obito," he replies (his mind screaming at him, _'Why, oh, why would you tell your future murderer your real name?!'_ loudly).

"Uchiha?" Her eyes narrow. She's heard that name before, but she's not willing to give this 'Obito' fellow the opportunity to relax. The sharpest forks are directed closer to the man's feet. "Never heard of them. Is it supposed to be important or something?"

"It's the name of an old clan that specialises in the art of fire. We're... quite a minority nowadays."

Fire, fire, fire...

It's always about fire. First her husband, then that asshole Endeavor down the road, and now this?

When will it end?

Her hand drops to her side and everything falls with a symphony of crashes, the neighbours' sensitive hearing be damned. "Let me make a phone call," she tells the man, albeit reluctantly, and then turns to her son, "and you, young man—are grounded, go to your room."

Izuku visibly wilts, but he follows her words nonetheless and retreats down the hallway.

 

•

 

If Obito wasn't already afraid of women thanks to Haruno Sakura and her teacher, he sweard he would've shit his paints right then and there.

Izuku—the boy's name he learnt as the walked to the Midoriya apartment—was his only saving grace, and now the universe has left him all alone with a murderous woman who can kill him by manipulating the knife secure in her grip and stabbing him with said knife. The unassuming silverware scattered about, blinking up him by a trick of the light, seems like a much better way to die now.

The woman (he really needs to learn her name some time soon) pushes past him roughly, making her way halfway across the room to way a strange device and plucking it from its stand. Automatically, he goes on guard, not knowing what 'making a phone call' entitles. For all he knew, it could be some kind of misleading code to slowly dissect him bit by bit. 

_Blip. Blip. Blip._

The woman types something down and holds the device up to her ear, waiting for a brief moment before she speaks. "Hello, this is Parakeet, may I speak to Dragon?" More silence ensues, which is something Obito is grateful for as he tries to wrap his head around the possibiliy of there being an ANBU squad closing right this moment because one does not simply refer to themselves as an animal in conversation and ask for another by also calling them an animal. "Yes, I can wait, besides, this isn't for me, this is for... well, let's just say an unexpected guest," she says before drawing the device from her ear and offering out to him. "Here."

He shots a look of confusion before allowing the device to fumble in his hands.

Copying her earlier motions, Obito holds it to his ear and waits.

A single note echoes in his head, over and over again until he almost becomes lost in its hypnotic tune.

The dial stops echoing. A clicks informs him a connection has been made.

"Hello?" he says into the curious contraption, hoping to dear god he isn't making a fool of himself in front of the woman he's sure will kill him without hesitation.

There's a gasp from the other side. "... O-Obito? Is that you?" a voice whispers, the tone of the person almost nostalgic and on the verge of hysterical.

(He resists the urge to gasp himself. A voice— _this_  very voice hasn't called his name for more than two decades. A month before Kannabi Bridge, there was a private service held for one of the most eccentric clansmen to date. Proficient in the art of both sealing and having an endless supply of fire bursting from his lips, he was one of the few who managed to get their head out of their asses and fully joined arms with the rest of the village. This person, the absolute madman he was in the eyes of everyone in the clan, supposedly died after choking on water—his one weakness.

Nobody bothered to mention that there wasn't a body in the coffin as it burned.

"Good riddance," said one of his many relatives who had surprisingly bothered to show up. "At least he wasn't near the village when he died, otherwise we'd have to actually hold a full-blown funeral for that idiot."

The Obito from before, while not as close as he'd like to be to the late deceased, mourned the man until he was called to infiltrate Kusa.

 ~~Where he should've died had fate allowed it.~~ )

"... Yes, it is, Uncle."

 

* * *

 

"Oi, Hisashi, why're you tearing up like a baby?"

"I-I'm not!!" the man weakly defends himself, placing the phone back in its port and scrubs at his face. "I just got something in my eye, that's all."

His superior snorted. "Yeah, sure, tell me that when you're not pressing a blade against the next client."

"Hey! I told you already, the pay was fucking crap and to top it all off, they set a thirty minute deadline!"

"Then maybe you start getting some paperwork done like a real salaryman and leave the dirty stuff for us to do some time!" somebody in the cubicle next to his called out.

"Yeah, yeah!" another voice agreed.

"See? Even your co-workers agree." Hisashi turns to his superior, brows pulled tightly together bitterly.

"Sir, you must be joking. Without me, the whole system will crash."

"Well then, I'll be counting on you to come save asses if that ever happens."

"Oh, you wish, sir," Hisashi snarled, ash barely escaping from the corner of his mouth as he went back to shuffling through files, immediately swapping his glare for a wide smile as he spotted somebody from another department walked by. If anybody bothered to look, or just didn't notice, they would have seen an eye burning crimson as he flipped through the documents. "As if I have the heart to do something as simple as that," he muttered to himself.

**Author's Note:**

> _... My hand slipped._
> 
> Please don't take this fic seriously and have a nice day.


End file.
